Tuesday, November 26, 2013


in the Realm of Janos

It's Thanksgiving time in the United States.  My favorite holiday and therefore, it should be no surprise that there is a similar thing in Janos. 

“We will be hosting the Taksigelse.” Bylar sucked in his breath. The high holy days of giving thanks to the gods. A huge honor to be sure, but also a massive task.

 “There will be many things to be done. Girls must practice for the ceremonies, foods prepared, rooms readied. The Council will of course attend and I will host them.” Ovia gasped and brought her hands to her mouth in fear. She was decidedly pale at the news. Yes, it was a big thing to have the high Council of Oblates within these very walls.

“Now, as you know,” he said consulting the pages, “there are different ceremonies for each day. There is a day of thanks for the beasts, one the air and water and heavens, and one for the crops. Everyone within Janos must be properly clothed, I will speak to your girl about the requirements for such. Every room in the building, all the walls, even the ceilings must be scrubbed and then scented with the proper herbs. Furs must be cleaned, everything must be fresh.”

Taksigelse was normally observed quietly, respectfully, with a special prayer each night but otherwise, no special care or restriction. As the hosts however, it was all different. All of Janos would require active participation and preparation. It was an honor to be chosen to host. Every Hausa in the world hoped to have such an event at some time during their reign. Kyr was quite young to be chosen. Many Hausas were never selected. It was a mark of faith and support for his rule. Definitely an increase in his prominence throughout the lands. Any decision of the Council was divinely inspired. It was the will of the gods and they would carry it out as best they could.

“In the early times, there were none but the beasts. They roamed the lands, wild and untamed. They had no purpose, they were unfulfilled.” His voice rang clear and deep through the hall. People ate in silence listening.

The first of the girls stepped forth from behind the curtain, bent over, hands dangling, lumbering as beasts. They roamed back and forth, circling each other, pawing and stomping. Three drummers kept a beat, slow, heavy, the sound of the animals.

“The gods looked down and saw them. They pondered. Larki felt that a new creature should exist. One that brought order to the world and a purpose to the beasts. Holaor felt that all was well as it stood. There was no reason to open the door to another kind of being. There was strife among the gods.”

The girls dropped to the floor and huddled on their knees, showing fear. “Great storms raged, thunder struck, the light of the gods flashed.” The drums beat hard and loud while the girls cowered.

The drums softened and the Oblate went on. “Bikot was unhappy. He was fond of the beasts and their sadness and fear disturbed him. He declared there must be peace. There must be a contest. Larki and Holaor must each choose a she-beast. Those beasts would battle. The winner would determine the course.”

Ielle and Ovia stepped forth from opposite ends of the curtain. They stomped and pawed, circling and moving as the other girls had before them. The other girls shifted, creating a wide circle around them, still hunched into small tight shapes.

They met in the middle, mirroring each other as they moved back and forth. Ielle was older and taller. Ovia was a bit smaller but determined to do well.

“Let the battle begin!”  The drums crashed and Ovia ducked her head and charged at Ielle, wrapping her arms around Ielle’s waist. Ielle leaned over her and wrapped her arms around Ovia. They pushed and pulled at each other, moving back and forth. Ielle’s breasts pressed against Ovia’s back. Even through the sheer fabric, they felt soft and warm.

It only took a moment before the shorts rode up and settled themselves between her cheeks, cutting into her delicate areas. Still she battled as though the future of the world was upon their shoulders. Truthfully, Ielle was on her shoulders, and her back. The drum beat again and they pulled apart, both breathing heavily.

“The beast of Larki and the beast of Holaor battled through the day. Bikot and the other gods watched closely. Larki and Holaor spoke to their own beasts, encouraging them to the win.” The drum beat three times quickly. Ovia and Ielle pulled their tops off, up over their heads, dropping them to the side, baring their breasts.

“They each blessed their beasts with healing oils, massaging them while they remained locked in combat, giving them strength to go on.” A girl stepped up behind each of them reaching around and slathering their breasts with a healing oil. It was smooth and slick on Ovia’s skin, her nipples instantly perked under the attention. The fingers pressed into her soft skin, massaging and arousing.

She watched Ielle receive the same treatment across from her. Ielle’s skin was glowing, shimmering with the sheen of the oil. Their eyes locked. They were no longer girls of Kyr’s house. They were she-beasts in battle on behalf of the gods.

Again, the drum beat hard and they locked together. This time upright, face to face, breasts to breasts. They hooked their arms together, not otherwise touching each other except with their breasts. Ielle rubbed herself up and down over Ovia’s chest, then Ovia took her turn up and down. Her nipples were hard pebbles rubbing over the slick skin, pressing into Ielle’s soft breasts then down over her stomach before reversing and returning to her chest again.

She caught her breath when a nipple pressed directly on Ielle’s nipple. It was a heavenly feeling, work of the gods. They were moving faster against each other, feeling each other’s breath, smelling each other’s sweat. The drums were setting the pace, quick then frantic, then a sudden stop.

They stepped back from each other, chests heaving and glistening. “Bikot declared that the battle must end before the nightfall. There could not be another day with no peace or harmony, it must be done. There must be a clear winner, the other must submit fully.”

Ielle and Ovia stepped out of their last bit of clothing, now naked before the Council, the house of Kyr and the Hausas and seconds of their sector. This was the final round of the battle, the she-beast from within must come to the fore to please the gods.

Three quick beats on the drum and final battle began in earnest. They circled each other, crouching low, arms out, waiting to make a move. Ielle sprang, leaping forward and grabbing Ovia, tackling her to the ground. The oil was slick on their torsos making it hard to grip each other.

Ovia grabbed between Ielle’s thighs, thinking only to get a purchase on a part that was not yet oiled. Ielle gasped and retaliated, running her hand over Ovia’s breast, twisting and rolling it on her skin. Ovia attempted to roll Ielle off her but did not succeed. Ielle thrust two, then three of her fingers inside Ovia’s core, shocking her senseless.

She was pinned to the floor, Ielle pumping her fingers into her, curling them up and rubbing intently. Ovia whimpered, unable to do anything except writhe under Ielle’s assault, incredible feelings surging through her. She was dimly aware that everyone watched, everyone knew, but she could not care. She tried to focus on the battle, the weight of the gods was upon her, but it was nearly impossible to do.

Read more in Ovia:  A Realm of Janos Novel
Ovia: A Realm of Janos Novel available at Amazon


Friday, September 20, 2013

Come check it out!

Tonight, I'll be speaking at the Sardar Fairs in the Gorean Auditorium. 
Your free chat program is available at www.goreanpalaces.com
Come check it out!
7PM Pacific, 10PM Eastern

Saturday, September 29, 2012

Enter the Realm!

Two hot new features!

1.  Our new monthly newsletter- Tales from Janos.  A once a month newsletter with tidbits and info, new releases and from time to time, even coupons and discounts!  Sign up and get a coupon for a free copy of Sensual Submission: Driven from Smashwords!

2.  Our new Facebook Page!  Like us on Facebook, tell us what you think about your favorite characters, stories, etc.

Saturday, September 22, 2012

Legends of the Realm of Janos: Tales of the Crown

Hot off the presses!  Try Legends!  Tales of the ancient times of the Realm of Janos.  Hot, sexy little reads that give you a peek into the culture.  Starting with the Tales of the Crown, get to know a little about the three girls that grace The Crown of Harmony.

Here's a sample...

After they ate, Tkaq took Ari under the stars, bending her over in what we now name as bartu, her naked ass before him. His hands left their mark across her skin, warming it for his use. She moaned with pleasure, begging him for more. He held back, however. It would not do to have her too sore to keep up on their hunt. He exercised restraint for them both, as he often did.

For Ari, her only joy was his pleasure. His touch on her skin; being pleasing; doing everything she could. He told her often that it was her desire to please that was the most satisfying, even if she should fail. It brought light to her eyes to hear him talk thus.

He played with her, fingering her folds, teasing her core until she dripped with need. She begged him to fill her, take her, make her his over and over and, as it pleased him, he complied.

Check it out!  Exclusively at Amazon.

Saturday, August 11, 2012

Ielle dances for Kyr...

Step into the Realm of Janos... Have you met Ielle? This is from her first meeting with Kyr. She is naked before the whole village, she's been inspected and found acceptable. Now she is to dance for him, the man that will own her.


Kyr settled himself into the furs on the dais. His men sat cross-legged near him to watch. The handmaidens retreated, their job done for the day. The Oblate and scribe stepped back to the distant corner, able to see and record the fulfillment of the contract, yet out of the way. Ielle stepped forward and waited for the drum beat to begin.

Now she would dance for him. Kyr considered her as she prepared to begin the next phase of the ceremony. She had that beautiful long dark hair, nearly to her waist. It was soft and silky when he ran his hands through it. Her skin was pale and creamy with deep blue eyes like the mountains of their homeland. Her lips were soft and dusty pink, her nipples were firm and responsive to his touch.

Her spark is what really caught his attention though. There were many girls that were beautiful. He preferred a girl that was smart, loyal, confident. If she was as beautiful as this one, so much the better.

He knew she was meant for him as soon as he saw her making her way to the dais. It hit his heart like a bolt from the sky. He had not known it would feel thus. He thought he might know when he saw her, might know during the judging, but he also thought he would need to consider and reflect. It was not so.

The judging only confirmed it. The way she held herself intrigued him. Nervous surely. Trying hard not to let anyone know it. Strong. She would match him. She submitted to him, but she retained her spirit. She was proud, but she did not hold herself above others.

The drummer stepped up, standing behind Kyr and his men. Ielle settled her hands on her naked hips, looking directly at Kyr. He watched her take a moment and then a smoldering look came to her eyes, seducing him, brimming with passion yet to be unleashed. He caught his breath but quickly contained himself. It would not do to let others know how she affected him already.

She pointed her foot, stretching it out languidly in front of her, bending her other knee, crouching low, raising her hands over her head, entwining the fingers and bowing before him. She pushed up on her left leg then drew her right leg back until she stood tall, bringing her hands down, running them seductively over the soft skin of breasts and torso. He clenched his fingers remembering their feel. She moved exactly with the sound of the drum when she rose on tip toe and twirled before him, one complete circle causing her long, dark hair to spin out around her.

She stopped, staring him down, challenging him. Her look was pure lust even though he knew she could have no real idea yet of what that might feel like. She stepped closer to him, dropping to one knee and extending the other leg, hovering with her foot nearly touching him. He could feel the warmth of her, even though they did not connect.

She bent over, caressing her hands from her toes up her calf and over her thigh, skimming past her stomach as she arched her back away from him. She whipped herself forward, bending double again before rising to her feet and taking a step to spin away from him.

The sound of the drum followed her movements, building in intensity, mirroring his own heart beat. Ielle stood before him, circling her hands gracefully in front of her body. She sank slowly to her knees, legs not quite closed, a glimpse of her lower lips teasing him. His blood pumped hard and he reminded himself to exercise restraint.

She reached her hand out then trailed it into his hair, caressing his temple before abruptly pulling back. By the gods, her touch was magical. It brought a punch of heat straight to his groin.

She rested both hands on the dais and pushed herself to her toes, rear end high in the air, head down, hair trailing. She undulated as she straightened.

He watched her breasts and the way they bounced and shuddered. He could not wait to taste them, lick his tongue over them, press them and tease them until she was insane under him. Once again she twirled, but this time moved the extra half turn to display her rear. She bent to touch her toes.

He was breathing hard. He could see her lower lips peeking at him, the slight glistening already beginning to coat them. He pictured thrusting himself into her and shifted a bit on the furs to find a more comfortable position when his cock stirred in response. She rose and completed the spin, her hair cascading out around her. What would it be like to have that silky mass trailing over his bare skin as she rode him?

She dropped down to hands and knees, crawling slowly towards him. She arched her back bringing her rear up. She kept her eyes on his, measuring the look in them, noting his interest. Bylar was shifting uncomfortably, adjusting himself too and grinning at Kyr. Bylar knew him well.

She reached out to Kyr and ran her hand over his knee, gently circling her fingers over the cloth, trailing them up his thigh, teasing, tempting, not touching that sacred spot, but promising so much more later. He watched her fingers move, tensing his muscles so as not to give in to her yet. She brushed over his stomach then pulled away.

The drumbeat was louder now following her heat, echoing in his head. Back on her feet, she slowed, taking several beats to complete a turn while her hands stroked her breasts and belly, hips and thighs. He was breathing hard and she was covered in a sheen of sweat. Her own chest was pumping, drawing in air as she moved and teased.

She came right up to him, turning away and sinking to her hands and knees, arching her back and gyrating her ass ever so close to him. He would enjoy taking her in this position, slapping her smooth pale cheeks while he pumped into her. She dropped flat on her belly, spreading her arms and legs wide, rocking her hips against the flooring.

She rolled to her back and spread her arms and legs wide again. He smiled to himself. He would enjoy taking her in that position too. She pillowed her hands under her head before pulling her feet back until her knees bent and her lower lips spread fully open. She shifted her hips up and down, closing her eyes, rolling her head back and forth as though she was in the throes of passion. Yes, he would have her thus, screaming and begging.

The drummer beat harder and faster, growing, climbing. He could see her heat rising, radiating from her, enveloping him. He could smell her, feel her need and desire. She sat up again, cupping her breasts, offering them, her legs spread open wide, toes pointed gracefully, displayed for him. On the final beat of the drum she dropped her head submissively, giving herself to him. Her chest was heaving as she caught her breath, her skin was flushed and shining.

Reviews for Mayia...

Bad girls may not necessarily have more fun--but they're definitely more fun to read about. I'd guess that they're also a lot of fun to write about, if this engaging, well-crafted tale from Andre SanThomas is anything to judge by. "Mayia" is the fourth installment in SanThomas' superb Realm of Janos series, and very probably the best of the lot so far, combining elements of classic High Fantasy saga and heart-stopping heist-caper, pagan erotic romance and BDSM debauch.

As noted in my reviews of the earlier titles in this series, I strongly recommend beginning at the beginning with "Ielle" and "Ovia" before moving on to "Eanna" and "Mayia;" the storyline is cumulative and each new tale increasingly referential to characters and events in the previous books. The goings on in "Mayia" are closely related to the events in "Eanna;" in fact, they form part of the same story, and won't make much sense if read separately and out of sequence. However, the payoff in this exciting, decidedly high-adventure-tinged installment is well worth a foray into the pleasures of the first three.

After her failed coup attempt in "Ielle," Mayia has hit rock bottom, "discarded" by the owner she betrayed, publically humiliated in a month-long ritual of deprivation, and finally sold at auction to a brutal "rental-master." Mayia is not exactly a prostitute with a heart of gold, though gold is constantly on her mind. Unbowed in spite of her ordeals, pathologically prideful, single-mindedly ambitious, everything she does is calculated to her own advantage, premeditated in terms of escape to a higher station in life, one more suited to her unbridled delusions of grandeur and fevered dreams of revenge. Among the ranks of bad girls, Mayia is extraordinary, and it takes an extraordinarily bad boy to recognize her unique gifts and bring her into her own.

[It would not be possible to reveal too much more about the story without dropping a spoiler. Suffice to say it's not a good idea to annoy the Council of Oblates; those old fellows can be decidedly vindictive and amazingly creative when it comes to devising new forms of sexual torture.]

One of the real joys of this series over time has been to observe the author's growing maturity and command of her craft. The writing is lovely, facile and increasingly more direct. Having established the rules by which her imagined realm is governed, SanThomas has begun to play with the possibilities within those boundaries, and the results are wonderfully entertaining. Where, in some of her earlier books, I occasionally got the sense that she was too rigidly constrained by her own pre-established conventions, often missing opportunities for drama and conflict; in "Mayia," she begins to flex her muscles as an original creative force, recognizing what great artists have always known, that infinite possibilities are found within a well-conceived set of limitations.

With "Mayia" Andre SanThomas has given her readers an unforgettable, entertaining, fast-paced character-driven story, and that is a literary feat in and of itself. Highly recommended.

Reviews for Eanna

"Eanna" is the third installment in Andre SanThomas' Realm of Janos saga, and fans of the first two books will find much to like here, both familiar and fascinatingly new. To those readers as yet uninitiated into the pleasures of this series, I would strongly recommend starting at the beginning with "Ielle" and then "Ovia" as the storyline is cumulative and each new tale increasingly referential to characters and events in the previous books. "Eanna" draws its essential backstory from "Ovia," while offering readers a deeper, more detailed picture of the customs and rituals of SanThomas' magnificently sensual fantasy-verse.

Princess Eanna holds an exalted position in the religious life of her world, Handmaiden to the Crown of Harmony, she serves the "manly needs" of the Council of Oblates. Chosen out of many for her surpassing grace, skill, discipline, centeredness--"so regal, so cool, so adored . . . so alone"--yet her bodily submission to these old men is not emotionally involved. In fact, she has been little more than a glorified scratching post--a sacred hole, as it were--and while such a position is considered the highest of hallowed honors in her world, it has not prepared her for the very different life that awaits when time comes for her to step down with the choosing of a successor

Much of the action in "Eanna" centers on two elaborate series of contests; the first to determine the new Handmaiden, the second to find a champion worthy to claim the former princess as his owned property--the normal custom of civilized people in this world. Both competitions are elaborate, highly theatrical undertakings, rigorous and demanding, reminiscent of the trials and contests so familiar from reality television, yet filtered through a very original High Fantasy lens, titillating and thought-provoking both at once.

With this installment the storytelling has become more streamlined, the language seems simpler, more stripped down and direct. In this passage, we see Eanna performing a sacred dance for a gathered assembly:

"Eanna held the crown high above her head, twirling below it, letting it capture the light and reflect off the walls. Her dress swirled around her, a glimmering soft pink sheer that billowed about her in a circle from her shoulders to her thighs. She ran gracefully across the room, then leaped into the air, legs wide apart, toes pointed sharply, the Crown held high. She landed like a feather, full of sunshine and light and sky. Eanna bent to the floor with it, bringing it ever so close but not touching the ground with it. She held it in one hand, high over her head. She twirled on one foot, the other held aloft, floating, the Crown shimmering in her hand.

The Crown rolled over her skin. She moved it behind her back, then to the front again. She set it reverently on the floor and danced around it, dropping to her knees and leaning back in a deep arch. She pulled herself up again, moving gracefully, fluidly, arms waving and fingers cupping the air. Bent double, she carefully balanced the crown at the small of her back. She clasped her hands behind her ankles, carefully turning in a full circle without causing it to fall. She took it from her back, then tossed it skywards while she twirled. Those watching gasped as it flew upwards. She sank to the floor and rolled twice before catching it just a breath from the ground. Applause broke out throughout the room. Yes, there was always applause when she did the dance. She practiced so many hours to get just the right sense of drama. She knew she executed it perfectly. She had never once dropped the Crown. She did not fail."

This is very good--but even better is the author's exploration of her heroine's inner life. For all the outward sensual wonder of this tale, Eanna seems to have been imagined from the inside out, giving us a degree of emotional truth that seldom finds its way into erotic storytelling. More difficult than the physical trials to be endured are the emotional obstacles to be overcome; the casting off of arrogance and pride; the search for her own inner light which can be kindled only when she accepts her own ordinariness; the challenge of bringing that light to her eyes, shining only for the man who will claim her.

Above all, this story is a paen to the beauty of monogamous belonging, so famously celebrated in the ancient sacred erotic texts of our own world--the "Kama Sutra," the "Ananga Ranga;" a truth, often repeated, extolling the virtues of the most accomplished lovers, adept in the art of pleasing one partner over the course of a lifetime as opposed to one who takes many partners and satisfies none; for it is in knowing and understanding one's true place that genuine satisfaction and bliss are found. Ultimately it takes more talent, wisdom and imagination to keep the fires burning high in the long-shared life of two, and "it is the superior man who can so learn his lover as to cause her nightly fainting."

This same spirit is gloriously alive in "Eanna." Highly recommended.

Saturday, June 30, 2012

Inside The Realm of Janos

Imagine the Realm of Janos novels are turned into a TV show on your favorite cable channel. Imagine that you can cast any actor or actress into the parts. Imagine that the actresses from that series are interviewed. This is the unedited transcript of that imaginary interview.

Unedited Transcript. Realm of Janos Female Cast 

Air Date 2/12/12

HOST:  Welcome to Inside.  Today we are lucky enough to have the ladies from the cast of the new number one paid cable show, Realm of Janos in our studios.  Welcome, one and all.  Let me take a moment to introduce all of you to our audience, not that any of you really need an introduction.

First, we have Natalie who plays Ielle.  Natalie is an academy award winning actress who has taken on this sexy drama on cable.

Next to her is Alyssa, a veteran of sitcoms and cable dramas since she was a child, now as a woman she’s playing the classic mean girl, Mayia.

Ali has had a number of smaller parts but has become a huge break out star in her role as Ovia.  Ladies, again, welcome.


HOST:  Let’s begin, shall we?  Let’s start with you, Natalie.  What made you decide to try something on cable?  You’re an academy award winning actress, you can probably pick anything you want to do, right?

NATALIE/IELLE:  Yes, actually, I can pick anything I want, but I really wanted this.

HOST:  How did that come about?

NATALIE/IELLE:  Well, my agent says, I've got this great script for you, so I sit down to read it, I'm propped up in bed eating some ice cream, that's my little guilty pleasure, you know?  I’m wearing my nightgown, a little baby doll number with some thong panties. 

(audience oooohs, Natalie laughs and winks at guys in the audience).

Anyway, here I am, sitting in bed reading and at first I thought it said that I had to actually fuck the whole FUCKING village.  And if that's not bad enough, it is like, you know, right in the first two pages of the script.  I nearly choked and died on my ice cream right there.  I was sputtering and spitting it out.  I don't think those sheets are ever going to be the same again!

But then, you know, I was reading the whole thing, after the CPR and all that, and I thought, man, this is one cool script.  How many women get a chance to show this kind of side of themselves?  I mean, you know, the men own them and all, but look at these girls.  They're all, like, really cool in their own ways, and well, let's face it, those guys are just hot.  What woman doesn't want to be ravished now and then, right?  I get ravished every week and get paid for it too!" 

HOST:  So you didn’t care that it was cable and not the big screen?

NATALIE/IELLE:  Nope, not at all.

ALYSSA/MAYIA:  You know, there were all these restrictions, ‘cause even though we’re on cable there are still all these caveats ‘cause they were like “we don't want to be in the porn business,” so there's no, you know, male junk, which seems unfair, it's all R-rated movie stuff but it's still something.

NATALIE/IELLE:  And I was able to use my body double for a lot of the scenes, but there were more shots than I originally expected where, you know, I would have to be naked and I was kinda iffy about that, but the director and producers were really keen to work with me with those issues and it all kinda worked out. So yeah, some of those scenes where I'm naked are really me, so... eyes peeled, perverts!

HOST:  So, whenever we have guests on that have a steamy sex scene or two, we always have questions from our students on how that works.  And your show is a LOT of sex scenes.  What can you tell us about this?

ALYSSA/MAYIA:  Well, they look better on camera than they do when you’re making them usually.  Right?

ALI/OVIA:  Oh yeah.  So many times when you’re filming you’re kinda self-conscious and usually the girl’s on top so you’re thinking, “I sure hope my ass looks good”.  But our co-stars are some damn fine men.  Damn fine, and in a few minutes I’m usually just able to be Ovia and lose myself in the scene.

ALYSSA/MAYIA:  And our ass is usually on display too.  In the pilot, we were under a lot of furs.  They weren’t sure how far they wanted to push things, you know.  So we're under these fake furs pretending to have just this wild sex and it got so hot and itchy and sweaty we finally asked if we could just get on top!  Then once we did the director and producers were like DAMN, we gotta go for it.

NATALIE/IELLE:  There's no feeling quite like watching your body double pretend to perform oral sex while you're on the sidelines providing your dialogue.

ALI/OVIA:  The scene where the men drink tea off my chest took forever. I can't stretch like that, I was wobbling the whole time and I wound up accidentally getting this fake tea all over their pants!  Wardrobe had to come out there with a blow dryer and fix them up before we could go on. 

I mean, there you are, ninety-nine percent topless in this little wisp of material and just wearing a little thong, stretched into a backbend, three guys resting cups on you, picking them up, talking, putting them down, muscles straining so you don’t spill- again.  Trying to keep a good expression on your face and be in character, it definitely isn’t easy.  And that’s not a scene where I even had any lines!

HOST:  Realm of Janos is the number one rated show on pay cable.  What do you think accounts for that? 

ALYSSA/MAYIA:  I think it’s the action.  The whole show just has a lot going on and a lot of depth. 

ALI/OVIA:  (laughs) Right.  That’s it.

NATALIE/IELLE:  Other shows you wait half a season for anything interesting to happen, and in this I'm naked before the opening credits start.  Then ten minutes in I'm getting fucked silly in front of the whole village, so, you know, we hit the ground running!

ALYSSA/MAYIA:  Ok, ok, it is the sex, but it is more than that.  There’s a story and a plot too so that keeps people engaged from week to week. 

NATALIE/IELLE:  Everyone's making a big deal about the beautiful women in the show but c'mon, the men are HOT! Am I right?  That has to be some of the draw too, don’t you think?


HOST:  So what are some of the challenges of doing a show like this?

ALYSSA/MAYIA:  Well, obviously even on cable we couldn't be as naked as often as it is in the books, so all of us girls get these amazing costumes, but we’re outta them quick, trust me! Thank god we shoot in a warm country!

ALI/OVIA:  They try to keep the heat up on the sound stage when we’re doing the interior shots too.  But man, that creek sure does get icy.  We’ve all had scenes with waterfalls and creeks and ponds and stuff.

NATALIE/IELLE:  Yeah, our writers seem to love those.  My first one, oh god!  I'm in this little pond and even though it is hot as hell outside, the water is downright icy.  My nipples are on high beam, you know?  I’m bare assed naked because even though they’re not going to get a full frontal shot, they’re going to cheat it pretty close so I can’t have anything on.  And they're all “wash sexily.” Uh, I dunno what that means. So I started doing a little wriggle and made a face and the director called cut, approached me and asked “um, do you need to pee?”

(audience laughs)

HOST:  There’s the famous line about not working with children or animals.  There are no children on your set but we do see a number of Janosean animals.  How does that work?

ALI/OVIA:  Those mareshi, man, that's a challenge.  They have us up on yaks then they do all this special effects stuff in post production to make them move more like horses.  Damn those things STINK!

ALYSSA/MAYIA:  Natalie, you have to tell the story.  Come on!

NATALIE/IELLE:  Ok, ok, so, ya know, there are animals all over the place, you really have to watch where you step sometimes.  Then this one time... stop laughing, Ali!  This one time I was bent over, bare assed naked, of course, under that little skirt we wear.  With just a tiny nude thong, when we wear anything, and then I was expecting to hear my cue and instead, I got this huge tongue right up my crack!  Turns out that yak had a bit of thing for me!"

 (audience laughs)

Look, it... their tongue is so hot and wet and flat and gross, I mean-- the only way I can explain it is it felt like I was brushing against a large wet wallet. Like if you went swimming with it and left it to dry on the beach, and then you sat on it without knowing.  Wet suede.  Yeah, that’s it.

And really, I can’t say enough about the smell of those things.  In the pilot, we’re filming one of the scenes.  So I'm naked in a field surrounded by a film crew and actors and there's yaks.  Smelly yaks who can't NOT poop or fart, and the director tells me to just have uncontrollable lust for my co-star, and I think okay, I got an Oscar and I don't think I'm able to do this, ‘cause all I can smell is yak shit.  Now THAT’S the acting I should have gotten an Oscar for!

 (audience laughs)

 HOST:  You all do a lot of dancing in the show.  Does that come naturally?

NATALIE/IELLE:  Not for me!  And that was the first scene I had to film too.  I was so nervous and I’m buck naked in front of like fifty extras and the whole crew.  I haven’t even met most of these people and I’m flashing my pussy at Jason.  The only relaxing thing about dancing naked in front of all these extras was that they didn't speak English, and I don't think any of them knew who I was. So if I fell on my face-- which I was SURE would happen- it wouldn't haunt me forever!

I did have to get used to the nudity thing though. 

Even before we started, the producers were telling me, ‘cause they know I'm kinda particular about nudity, I have that big rider on my contract, they said “well, you know, we can just fake it with CGI”.  Apparently they did something like to Jessica Alba in Machete but that's like magazine airbrushing which I think is dubious as well, so I just said “you know, I’ll do it real breasts but you CAN'T touch 'em on the computer” and that's what we wound up doing.

ALYSSA/MAYIA:  They call us the bathrobe gang. ‘Cause all the days where we’re naked or near-naked we have bathrobes and slippers for when we weren't on camera. My work clothes are basically what I wear when I'm sick.

HOST:  Alyssa, I’ve seen a lot of rumors about you on the set.  I’m told you’d like to set the record straight. 

ALYSSA/MAYIA:  Yes, thanks!  You know, I have such a rep for being a bitch and playing Mayia just isn't helping me get over that at all.  I swear I'm a nice person, really.  That scene where I had to kick Natalie, I made sure to get it by the tenth take. (laughs)

It seems like it's animosity, but between takes she's like, daring me to do more, right? ‘Cause she's a serious actress and just dives right into it, so she's like “no, harder, you can go harder” and I'm worried, ‘cause she's kind of a stick, right? I mean, she's skinny, so anyway, we do a new take and I'm like, “okay Natalie, here it comes” and I kick and I bruised her rib. She was in pain for a week and I felt SO guilty!

NATALIE/IELLE:  But you didn't feel guilty in that scene where you laughed at my boob size though. 

ALYSSA/MAYIA:  Well, come on!  They don't exactly compare do they? 

(audience oooohs)

We tease, we tease, really.  It's a joke on the set, I swear.

NATALIE/IELLE:  The guys on the show are always wanting to grope my breasts, and even I'm sometimes, like, good luck, you know, if you can find 'em, more power to you.

(audience laughs)

But really, we really do get along.  How can you not get along when you spend twelve hour days naked together, right?  And let me say that Alyssa winds up coming up with a lot of her character's dialogue when it comes to our characters interacting.

ALYSSA/MAYIA:  Yes, but then the writers have to make sure it fits that Janosean way of talking.  Like her character would probably want to call me ‘Titan Tits’ but that just isn’t going to fly. 

(audience laughs)

HOST:  So, Natalie, I’m told you’ve gotten more relaxed about nudity since doing this show, is that true?

NATALIE/IELLE:  Well, you can’t really do this kind of show and not relax a bit about it, you know? 

HOST:  Tell us about your wardrobe malfunction.  I know you know which one I mean.

NATALIE/IELLE:  Oh god!  So we had this big premiere, red carpet event thing, you know, and I had this incredible dress on by Montezin, he's a couture designer from France.  Anyway, so I'm standing there on the red carpet and everyone is all around and of course the flashbulbs are just going off like crazy, blam, blam, blam, you can't even think.  Then my manager comes up and takes my arm and starts hustling me off even though I was kinda in the middle of talking to Entertainment Tonight, and I'm all like, what the hell?  But you know, I've been in this business long enough to know that when they move you off, you really should go, so you know, I'm like, well, ok.

And we get out of view a little and he reaches over and STUFFS MY NIPPLE back into my dress!  My god, it had popped right out the top of this low cut dress and about a million of the paparazzi got shots of it and ET didn't even say anything, but maybe they didn't notice ‘cause they were looking at my face when we were talking and all, but I'm just Oh MY GOD!  Then my manager just laughs and says, “well, what's a little nipple when you fuck in front of the whole village in the opening”, you know?

HOST:  And on that note, we’ll take a little break and be back in a moment.

HOST:  We’re back with the ladies of the Realm of Janos.  Tell us some things we don’t know about the show.

ALI/OVIA:  We had to do so much training and research and stuff before we started filming. Yak riding (laughs), and belly dance lessons then a choreographer that makes our dances kind of a mix of belly dancing and interpretive jazz or something... anyway, we also had to go to this club, remember that?

NATALIE/IELLE:  Oh god, yeah!  It was cool, but at the same time, you don't want the whole paparazzi thing, right.  I mean, the last thing you need is all of us splashed across the Enquirer going in and out of the kinky sex club.  So, first we spent about four hours in hair and make up while they changed our hair and looks so that we wouldn't be recognized.  Then we had this consultant...

ALYSSA/MAYIA:  Yeah, the consultant is really this dominant guy that lives that life and all and he took us in like we were part of his harem. We're wearing these really slinky club clothes and he's got, like, a dog collar we're each wearing-

NATALIE/IELLE:  Mine was pink.  Yours had spikes. 

ALYSSA/MAYIA:  Ali's had pink spikes (laughing), anyway, he's got a leash hooked to the collars we're wearing so that, you know, no one else tries to use us or something.  So we got to see what goes on in a place like that-

ALI/OVIA:  Like you didn't know.

ALYSSA/MAYIA:  Shhhh!  (laughing).  Anyway, we got to talk to some of the submissives and stuff and kinda get into their heads and all before we started filming.  Gave the, uh, dog collar to my husband on our anniversary. That was a gift.

 No James, I'm not going to tell you who wears it!

HOST:  I don’t think I want to know.  (grins)  So, you said Alyssa suggests a lot of dialogue.  Do you all have much chance to make suggestions about scenes?

NATALIE/IELLE:  Oh, yes, we can make suggestions anytime we want.  They don’t always happen, but sometimes they come back up later.  Very collaborative.

ALYSSA/MAYIA:  Like for example, right in the beginning, I suggested a lesbian scene with Natalie.  Now that we’re in our third season, it is finally coming true.  They came to me and said “hey, would you consider it?”  And I was like, yeah, I'd LOVE to do a lesbian scene with Natalie, are you kidding?  It's Natalie for god's sake, it's like asking if you wanna win the lottery. And I was sure that the writers would come up with some interesting stuff for our characters to do. Plus Natalie's body double and I are good friends so I knew it'd be fun to act against each other in that capacity ‘cause when we're on camera together it's usually just inspection parade or a group scene or she'll be playing Ielle way out in the background while I'm doing something else in the foreground, so we don't really get to play on camera together much until that scene.

HOST:  Tell us more about working with body doubles. 

NATALIE/IELLE:  My body double gets so much work in this show, more than in the past, but you know, she looks great. There's some scenes I'm watching on the sidelines and even I'm like “damn.”

ALYSSA/MAYIA:  Here's why I'm a better actress: Natalie and I do a lesbian scene this season, right? Well, when I'm kissing and going down on her, it's her body double. When she kisses and goes down on me, it's me. I commit.

NATALIE/IELLE:  (laughs)  Yep, she's not just better because she's got the bigger boobs.

But yeah, our body doubles take most of those shots of hands and sandals slapping on asses.  I don't do that.  At least not with a film crew standing there!

And you know, there's another of those restrictions.  If you read the original books (they're really good by the way), there's a lot more of flogging asses and even boobs and whatnot, but we just can't get that out, even on cable.  So, we'll have a smack once in a while, well, not we, but our doubles will, and we’ll imply that's what's happening, but we don't do as much of it as Alyssa would like.  (grins at Alyssa)

ALYSSA/MAYIA:  Later in the year you're going to see Demi get some pretty sexy massages from her female attendant too.  Demi does most of her own naked scenes, I mean, you've seen her, right? So, they're really, really hot.  I don't want to give it all away though.  You'll have to tune in.

 NATALIE/IELLE:  I mean, everybody knows Demi for her body, but really, that's like Picasso being known for his shoes, you're missing a whole great big impressive part of her, so it was really fun getting to be in scenes with her and act off her and everything. We were only able to get her on the show for a small amount of time, but every minute was great so those are gonna be good episodes. Honestly, after, I'm worried it'll be “well, Natalie’s fine but it's not the same. Click” and that'll be it for the show! But go out on a high note, right?

HOST:  So tell us about the men on the show.

NATALIE/IELLE:  Hey, eight months of dry-humping Jason Noble, not a bad way to earn a paycheck. And like I was saying, the furs kinda were rough on our skin, so we quickly changed to doing it on top or on the floor or other places.  And I have the body double so they kept offering to put her in but I kept chiming in “uh, I can do this shot...”

Jason's totally the nicest guy in real life, very gentle, but when the camera rolls and he grabs your ass, he OWNS that ass. Jason's not a big guy, really, I mean, he's a regular guy and a little taller than usual but when he clutches your butt you think he could pick you up like a bowling ball. He's got that strength in him that was so great for Kyr and for me to act off of. He always makes sure to have his fingers on my butt whenever we were doing some power play.

Uh, one scene, we could only show a little so we shot it pretty quick, it's the scene where I'm bent over and Jason's doing me from behind in front of the entire dining hall, that came out really hot but none of our parts were touching and the pose was REALLY uncomfortable, but when we saw the playback I thought “that's hot, we need to do more."

ALYSSA/MAYIA:  They’re all great guys.  They have to be.  Hell, someone always has a hand on my tits, right?  I think the only one that hasn’t had a hand on them is Jason, since his character, Kyr, doesn’t have the time of day for my character.

I was always under the impression that my character in the book was pretty monogamous, but on the show it seems like I'm fucking EVERYBODY (chuckling). Every week we get the new script and I look in and go “well, who'm I doing this week?”


HOST:  This sounds like an excellent place to have a break.

HOST:  We’re back.  All right, let’s have some questions from your students.

STUDENT 1:  Hi, I’m Haley, 1st year drama.  I heard there were plans to have a scene where Natalie would have been on a leash and walked like a dog, what happened with that, or will we see it next season?"

ALI/OVIA:  You'll just have to tune in and see!  I won't confirm or deny it.  I'll just say that if it does happen, it might not be Natalie.  Stay tuned.  (Alyssa nods her head in the background and points at Natalie with a grin on her face).

NATALIE/IELLE:  You know, cable bought this series based on the novels but they're still really iffy about bondage and so on, which is strange, so it's one of those changes that had to be made, there's less of that, but, you know, we compensate for that in other ways. But also, I don't think they have dogs in Janos, either. At least I haven't seen one yet.

STUDENT 2:  Wesley, 2nd year actor.  I was wondering how realistic you get about Janosean things. 

NATALIE/IELLE:  As much as we can actually.  Check in the credits, you'll notice that not only do we have hair and make up, we have our own waxing pro right on the set!  It's in our contract that we have to keep that little tuft that the girls in the book have and lose the rest.

ALYSSA/MAYIA:  Lemme tell you, we only agreed to it if the dudes had to do the same. And boy did THEY complain!

(audience laughs)

STUDENT 3:  Barry, I just graduated a month ago and I’m out there trying to get my break.  You mentioned reading the script and, well, did you want to fuck the entire village?

NATALIE/IELLE:  Hey, like we said, those guys are pretty hot!  Well, not the Council so much, but the rest of them!  Oh, sorry Malcolm, you're an exception of course! (giggles)  Anyway, there's a scene in the books where Kyr's Ummi, Kaiu, Helen Mirren, takes on the entire Council one after the other.  I don't think we'll get that graphic with that one though, but there will be something to represent that in some way, I think.

And also, with the whole village, a lot of those extras don't speak English, so we couldn't really explain to them what's going on.  We might really muck up their impressions of Americans, you know?

STUDENT 4:  I’m Doug, a big fan of all you.  Really.  You talked about the R rating versus the triple X thing.  Since we don’t get a full frontal in the series, how about giving us one right now?

NATALIE/IELLE:  (laughs)  You didn't pay enough for your ticket, dude.  Maybe next time.  Elizabeth Taylor had a diamond that Nicky Hilton got for her, the Krupp Diamond.  Thirty-three carats.  Bring that over and we'll talk.

(audience awwww)

STUDENT 5:  So, Natalie, hi, I'm Theresa, a 3rd year drama student, oh my god, I can't believe I'm getting to ask you a question and I really can't believe the question I'm going to ask...

NATALIE/IELLE:  Go ahead, Theresa.

STUDENT 5:  Well, the series is pretty hot right?  So, when you read the scripts, especially when you first got them and everything, I mean, well, did they make you, you know, you said you were sitting there in bed, alone and ... well, you know!

NATALIE/IELLE:  (blushes)  Oh, well, uh, let's just say that method acting draws upon experience and real emotion so there was a fair amount of uh, research involved.  And then, you know, after I "researched" for a while, I just had to have to the part.  I was on the phone to my agent and said “listen, you get me this part”.  And he was like, “how come you sound out of breath?”

(audience laughs)

HOST:  Alyssa, are you also a method actor? 

ALYSSA/MAYIA:  (laughs)  As I said before, I commit.  Fully.  And I rehearse.  A lot.  (audience laughs)  Not Ali though.  She's the goody two shoes of the bunch. 

ALI/OVIA:  That's what you think.  I just act like a goody two shoes.  I'm such a good actress, you don't even know.

NATALIE/IELLE:  Uh, yeah, we know.  Like that time when you had to shoot your first scene in the furs...

ALI/OVIA:  Well, his hand was COLD and I didn't expect it to land quite... there.  He was fine after they got him an ice pack.  I didn't mean for my knee... it was just a reflex.

ALYSSA/MAYIA:  Sure, sure! 

(more laughter)

HOST:  Natalie, my sources tell me that there’s more to the “research” story than you’re letting on.  Share it with us, please.

NATALIE/IELLE:  Ok, ok, I'll tell you all, but this is off the record.  If this ends up in the Enquirer, I'll hunt you all down. I swear.

So, I'm laying in bed, I've got my pint of coffee flavored Haagen Das and my spoon.  And I start reading this thing and within a couple lines, I'm Ielle.  I'm this girl, sheltered, trained, doing my duty and all, and here I am, naked, in front of the whole fucking village.  And I'm going to meet my mate for the first time and I'm hoping like hell he's going to take me 'cause if he doesn't, it just isn't going to be good for me, plus, you know, I want him to want me.

And, I'm so into the world that's there, I can feel this weird blue dirt on my feet, the sun shining down, nipples perking, walking towards him.  And there's the guy.  Jason Noble, what a hunk.  I've never laid eyes on him before and I get this zing of feeling, in my heart and in my pussy.  I can just feel him, making a connection with him and I'm Ielle, starting to get a bit wet and Natalie, getting a bit wet too.

So, I lick my ice cream off my spoon and it is sooo cold, I slide it onto my nipple, I don't know what exactly came over me.  That nipple just hardened up and I could feel it like I was there.  So I got it all cold again in another spoon of ice cream and did the other too.  So, I'm still reading and this is getting hotter and hotter, I'm breathing hard in real life, just like she would be in the story.  And I'm picturing acting it out.

Next thing I know, my fingers are down on my pussy and they're just working at my clit.  I'm imagining Jason, Kyr, doing that to me, Ielle.  Then he's fucking her, shoving his hard cock into her and I'm shoving my fingers in instead like he'd be doing me.  I'm panting and thrusting, my hips are coming up off the bed and I'm just about to pop and damn.

My agent calls.  You like the script?  I'm all, YOU GET ME THIS PART.  I don't care what you have to do, you GET ME THIS PART.  He’s like why are you out of breath? 

And here we are.  Number one show on cable.

(audience applauds and several fan themselves)

HOST:  That will just be between us, we’ll edit that before it airs.  Promise.

STUDENT 6:  Tracy Kennedy, 2nd year comedy... gosh, this is so exciting, I watch all of you every week and this is really a question, I guess for any of you.  So, do the guys like really get... well, you know, excited when you're doing those scenes?  What do you do about that?

NATALIE/IELLE:  Yes, well, the first couple of times you just laugh about it and keep going.  Now, I know we've got something really good going though.  Not just Jason all hot and bothered, but you look up and there's the camera crew, grip, best boy, director, and every one of them is shifting around.  None of them wear those skin tight pants to work, let me tell you!  I mean, of course it happens, because there you are, with next to nothing on, laying on top of the guy or bent over or prancing around topless... and those dances, man, those get all of us hot.  All of us hit the showers after those.  They always schedule those at the end of the day because none of us are any good after that point.

ALI/OVIA:  You know, one of the cool things about this show is that it isn't as much dialogue as a lot of other shows.  Sometimes I film all week and don't really have a lot more to say than erotic moans and whimpers.

STUDENT 7:  Now, I know the show won't let you show the guy's gear... and we're all saddened by that, but you've found interesting ways around that, but I heard there was a story about the scene where you were sucking off Kyr's fingers, when he came back from the hunt, but we never really heard the whole story about what happened behind the scenes.

NATALIE/IELLE:  Well, sucking fingers in real life can be pretty erotic, but when there's fifty people watching and filming and saying “move your ass a little to left while you do it” it does kinda take some of the fun out of it.   So, after like the fourth take the energy was starting to drop a bit, so Jason got a quick five minute break, then he comes back and I go to town. 

And man, I nearly lost it right there, but I recovered and you see that little burst of surprise in my eyes in the close up, because I didn't know he'd gone out and gotten his fingers covered with some sort of flavored KY gel stuff.  Man, it did taste good though and it really added to the scene 'cause I'm licking and sucking to get every bit off.  I've got no idea why he keeps flavored KY around, but hey, it works for me! 


We've used it several times now.  I'll put some on a part he's licking and vice versa.  We surprise each other with different flavors just for fun.

STUDENT 8:  Question for you Ali, what’s your favorite of the sexy scenes?

My fave was that girl on girl between Natalie and Alyssa.  Hell, that was everyone's fave.  We not only had to have a closed set, we had to do it in secret.  They put a different scene on the boards, then snuck Alyssa on with Natalie's double and then Natalie did a few shots, then Alyssa and the double went at it- well, in a committed kind of way.  The guys were just a mess afterwards and the girls too.

HOST:  Final question from our students.

STUDENT 9:   Hi!  I’m Brian.  I know the PC police came down pretty hard on you all and you had to scrap this whole "I love being your slave" monologue thing, any chance we could get a taste of how that was supposed to go?

ALYSSA/MAYIA:  You may not have noticed but the Janoseans don't have a word for "love".  They don't say they love each other, they don't love ice cream.  Whatever.  Instead, they show it.  Actions speak louder than words in Janos.  But the scene was supposed to be Natalie on her knees at Jason's feet, naked of course, but we only get her back and then close ups on her face and a little profile now and then... and she says...


(Natalie gets on her knees before the students, takes a breath, becomes Ielle)

Kyr, you see my true heart. 

You make me all that I am and want to be. 

You fill my days, you give me purpose. 

You bring me to heights I could not dream to reach. 

I am what I am meant to be, totally yours. 


(audience is completely silent then breaks into applause. 

Natalie blinks then continues as herself.)

Well, what a fucking uproar.  I mean, Rene Zellweger can say that Jerry "completes" her, but we can't say it like this.  And it's ok if we flip it, if Kyr needs Ielle to get through his day of being a Hausa, that's good.  But if she says it, we've got 3/4 of the women in America and a bunch of the ones world wide pitching a fit. So we had to scrap a whole bunch of that instead.  And we had to flip the BJ at the end for a good fur covered romp.

(fade to black, credits roll)

~The End~